Connecting With Others by Dr. Joe Rubino
All too often, we live our lives in a state of isolation, keeping others out
in an effort to protect ourselves from losing our identity and a sense of
control. Although we crave intimacy, connectedness and the love of others, we
disconnect if the threat of becoming overwhelmed by it becomes too real and
frightening.
An example of how we might disconnect is to create an argument if the threat
of intimacy becomes too real. We fight, grow apart then need love and acceptance
so we make up and get back together again- for a while.
Smoking a cigarette after sex is another way to disconnect. Becoming too busy
to pay attention to the other person causes a disconnect. Worrying, becoming
upset, actually leaving the room, making the other person wrong, keeping lots of
other people around, or listening to your own thoughts rather than to what the
other person is saying are all ways to disconnect. There are countless others as
well.
It is all too easy to opt for control over others, being right about
something and getting our way rather than to find a way to enhance our
relationships.
The means to connecting with others is to take our focus off of our own wants
and needs long enough to explore the possibilities for mutuality with all
involved. If we train ourselves to work on establishing a mutual connection or
means for relating, the result will be a coming together or synergy of purpose.
The best way to create this mutuality with others is to take on developing an
appreciation for what it’s like in the other person’s world. As you listen
for the other person’s needs, wants, concerns, and commitments, it is easier
to develop the bond that comes from walking a mile in someone else’s shoes. By
actually listening for commonality as well as for how all parties might
contribute something of value to each other, possibilities for enhanced
relationships will evolve.
Exercise for Establishing Relatedness
In every conversation you have with another person, develop an appreciation
for what it’s actually like to be that person. How does this influence the
relationship ?
Practice listening for other people’s concerns and commitments.
How does knowing their concerns affect your actions?
How does knowing their commitments give you a better appreciation for who
they are and why they do what they do?
Listen for mutuality. What do you have in common that could lead to
furthering your relationship? How does the other person’s differences
contribute something to you?
n what ways do you disconnect from others? Record in your journal each time
you do so.
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About the Author:
Dr. Joe Rubino is an internationally acclaimed trainer,
author, success coach and the CEO of The Center For Personal Reinvention, an
organization that provides personal and group coaching as well as productivity
and leadership development courses. He was featured on the cover of Success
Magazine and in the cover story, We Create Millionaires, because of his ability
to champion others to succeed. Joe is the author of the best sellers, Secrets of
Building a Million Dollar Network Marketing Organization from a Guy Who's Been
There, Done That and Shows You How To Do It Too, The Magic Lantern: A Fable
about Leadership, Personal Excellence, and Empowerment, and, most recently, The
Power To Succeed: 30 Principles For Maximizing Your Personal Effectiveness, Book
I and The Power To Succeed: More Principles For Powerful Living, Book II. For
information about The Center for Personal Reinvention and its services, visit
http://www.CenterForPersonalReinvention.com
. To contact Dr. Joe about the possibility of hiring him as your personal
success coach, email: DrJRubino@Email.com
or call 800-999-9551 ext 870.
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